Just being silly

Lollipops and dreams,
ice cream and butterflies,
frenchfries and fairytales,
everything and in between.
Homemade strawberry cake,
oozing chocolete pudding,
useless it seems,
sprinkles among the silly,
everyone thinks I'm crazy.

My body shook with fright
as a vision came to mind.

A woman with dark brown hair
and the reddest eyes I had ever seen,
staring at my beloved Jasper.

Her smile was sinister
and her movements careful and slow.
She wore a long green dress
and spoke with a voice
of Mexican desent.

If I were human
my body would have been covered in goosebumps.

"Jasper," she said seductively,
and right there my breathing stopped,
though my body needed no breath.

"I've missed you. You never said goodbye."

Jasper turned his head,
I was nowhere to be found.

"What do you want Maria?" he asked.

"Can't a girl visit her old friend?"
Maria moved in closer.

"Not when she caused so much pain and made me a monster," Jasper replied.
His face was ferce and angry.
Never had I seen him like that
except at battle.

"I want you back," Maria cooed.
"You were always my best soilder."

"Never," Jasper gritted.
"As you probably already know
I have difference a exsistence now.
One I'm not ashamed of."

"But I can give you so much more," Maria said.
So close to Jasper now.
She reached over to touch his scars.

I shuttered
and my fists clenched automatically.

Maria's hand worked her way up Jasper's arm
and to his face.
She ran her fingers across his lips.

In all my vampire life
never had I ever been more scared,
more angry,
and more disghusted.

Jasper flinched and with speed
moved away from Maria's touch.

But Maria was not going to take no for an answer.

She ran faster then lighting
and the next thing I knew
her lips were on my Jazz.

My vision ended there
and I awoke.
A strong desire to rip the head of the bitch
lingering on my mind.

Through the punches that are thrown,
and hits to the heart,
keep on smiling dispite it all.
Show the world you are strong.
Prove to the world they are wrong.
What's privite is yours
and yours only.
Those others are below the under.
You are talent,
real with class,
they are not.

When I'm still hoping,
still dreaming,
I'll forever keep
what makes me happy.
_________

Maybe someday
a dream will come true
and this heart of mine will be full.

I lay here a broken frame of what I used to be,
the glass shattered,
the picture no longer recognizable.

And with that,
I cannot be repaired.

How I Long To Hear My Lullaby

How I Long To Hear My Lullaby

Oh how I long to hear my lullaby,
and not dream of a nightmare without you.

How I long to hear my lullaby,
and awake to your arms holding me.

How I long to hear my lullaby,
and erase all this pain inside of me.

How I long to hear my lullaby,
my sweet lullaby,
peaceful lullaby,

Come back to me...

Melinda, Bella

Melinda, Bella

With who I am
and who I'm not,
I cannot erase what has happened
nor can I erase these moments in the now.

Unable to say a word,
taunted by the nightmares,
a ragged doll of who I used to be.

I cry and scream out,
and yet no one seems to hear,
locked inside my lonely closet,
with nothing but 'trees' numbing me.

Tried and weak,
terrified and lonely,
angry and depressed,
yet no one seems to know.

A Question

A Question

If you left me with the reason
that I would be safer without you,
then why did you leave me
with all this pain?

The edge of the cliff feels peaceful,
yet the sorrow still remains.

Time passes by
and I hardly know it exsists.

As I fall,
the water below awaits
and I'm unaware of the days ahead.

Let the waves cover me whole.

A Real Life Jasper and Alice

A poem inspired by Jackson and Ashley.

And suddenly I stopped searching
the moment our eyes met.
You give me hope
and I know I want no other.
You are everything and in between,
all the dreams I can never dream of.
The smile fills my heart,
the voice the only sound I want to hear.
I long to be with you
when the miles tear us apart.
I am never happier
when the time brings us together again.
And though we can't be as one,
I know I'll wait forever
until we becomea real life Jasper and Alice.

I know it in my heart
what I believe in
though others do not.

The choices I make
are mine and mine only,
it is not others who live my life.

So be it
if I loose along the way
and fall heart first.

At least I know
I was happy in the end.

And who knows
I'll prove others wrong.

A Dark Room

A Dark Room (Inspired by Bella during her darkest days)

A dark room
unable to see in front of me,
hiding my eyes in this dispair.

A dark room
bed no longer comfortable,
the corner is where I now tremble.

A dark room
presents lost,
the existence gone.

A dark room
day after day,
night after night.

A dark room
though can't be seen,
the memories still vivid.

And So The Lion Left The Lamb

Here a poem that won an award on the Lion and Lamb Community at LiveJournal

And So The Lion Left the Lamb

The days pass

and I hardly notice

for the pain is far too numbing

The nightmares take over

and I'm left screaming

somehow expecting you would be there when I awoke.

The search is ongoing

I look for a piece of you wherever I go

and whatever I do.

But still I try to avoid thoughts of you

hoping that I'll begin to heal

or maybe you would come back to me again.

"It Will Be As If I Never Existed"

"It Will Be As If I Never Existed"
A Edward New Moon Poem

I cannot erase what has happened
nor can I blame the actions of my brother.

As I kiss your forehead
it pains me to know this will be the last time.

It was just the breaking point
that lead to it shattering
and opening up my eyes.

How can I put you through anymore danger
when every time it almost cost you your life?

You're better off without me
free to live a 'normal' life.

"It will be as if I never existed."

I'm Not Myself

I'm Not Myself
A Bella New Moon Poem

The day you left
and took my heart
I lost a part of myself.

I cannot go on with my life now
because my life only existed
when you where there.

Nightmares come
scaring me screaming.

Numbness sets in
leaving me breathless.

Memories hunt me
taunting me everywhere I go.

And just when I think
I'm finally healing

I remember you're gone
and I'm not myself.

Some more poems

Oh heart of mine
pick up the broken pieces
of a shattered dream
that never came true.
_________

I wanted to write a story
but the word wouldn't come out.

I wanted to compose a song
but the notes were lost somewhere out there.

I wanted to paint a picture
but the colors weren't right.

I wanted my dream to come true
but I haven't found it yet.

___________________

A child born into the light of darkness,
A mother transformed forever by the power of love,
A father left to wonder what it all means,
A family brought together by the unexpected.

___________________


Alice

Pixie dancer,
bubbly happiness,
light in the dark.

A vision when the world
is never clear.
A pick me up when nothing and everything
is tearing apart.
A beauty amongst the ugly.

The Months After and In Between

October
The pain is settling in
making itself a home
deep within my heart.

November
I have nothing to be thankful for
because why would I thank
everything that took you away from me?

December
The dreams come every night
like 'Jack Frost nipping at your nose'
except I'm not at all happy.

January
I feel numb to the core
the life in me sucked out.
I'm not longer me anymore
but then again maybe I never was.

The Line Of My Dreams

Line Of My Dreams

I walk the line of my dreams,
feeling so close
yet so out of reach.

A year goes by
and I'm left still wondering
why.

Poems from the last few months...

A couple of poems from the last few months. I finally have time to post them.

My Inner Cullen

For every tumble I fall,
and every scrap and cut,
my inner Bella shows.

For every thought I try to uncover,
and desire I try to resist,
my inner Edward shows.

For every selfish word,
and jealous beauty
my inner Roselie shows.

For every game I'm eager to play,
and silly humor I provoke,
my inner Emmett shows.

For every fashion crazed trend,
and bubbly happiness,
my inner Alice shows.

For every lust I try to ignore,
and pain I try to hide,
my inner Jasper shows.

For every injured person I want to help,
and broken souls I counsel,
my inner Carlisle shows.

For every person I accept,
and willing do not judge,
my inner Esme shows.

For every innocent act,
and wise knowledge beyond years,
my inner Renesmee shows.

For every endless amount of love I have,
and brave fight I lead for ones I care about,
my inner Cullen shows.


My Jasper

I see the look in his eyes
and the pain is far to much for me to bare.

I hear it in his voice
and know that he blames himself more then anyone.

I feel it when we make love
and he just doesn't think he's good enough.

Everyday it's the same,
the hurt, the regret, the agony,
another day he's says he doesn't belong.

But he's my Jasper,
my one true only.

If it takes forever
to make him see
then forever it will be.

I love you Jazz
and one day you'll struggle no more.

How Can I Forgive Myself (Jasper's POV)

How can I forgive myself
when all I see is the monster that I am?

How can I forgive myself
when actions become regrets?

How can I forgive myself
when the pain is far too deep?

How can I forgive myself
when all I want to do is run?

How can I forgive myself?

I just don't know how.

Please help...

On a meadow hidden deep within the woods
in all that sparkles and glitters
lies the truth to a secret untold.